No matter how much you love your parents and your children, being a full-time caretaker will take its toll. In her book, "The Complete Eldercare Planner" (Hyperion) Joy Loverde devotes an entire chapter to caregivers, with a focus on taking care of the caregiver. "According to Children of Aging Parents, Inc., family members provide 80 percent of the care of aging relatives," Loverde notes. "They do so without pay, often with little or no assistance, while coping with competing responsibilities of family, work and personal interest."

Adult children frequently feel guilty, frustrated, powerless and torn between caring for their parents and their responsibilities to the family they are raising. There is nothing unusual, mean-spirited or bad about those feelings.

"All caregivers feel frustrated, guilty, overworked and alone," says Pam Erickson, R.N., founder of Professional Respite Care, Inc. Erickson says that it's best to accept your feelings. She advises caregivers to look for early warning signs of trouble, such as persistent irritability, sleep problems, depression, anxiety and temper flare-ups. "Prioritize tasks. Don't feel like everything must be done today. Take breaks. Give yourself a daily change of scene," says Erickson.