Are you a Democrat or Republican in love with someone from another political party? Is it affecting your relationship? Are you wondering if you're ever going to agree to disagree? America's Love Doctor, Linda Olson, can help.
It's clear that love across the isle is possible; just look at such bi-partisan couples like Democratic commentator for CNN's "The Situation Room" James Carville, and his wife Mary Matalin, a powerhouse Republican consultant. These two may have opposing world views outside of the home but according to Dr. Olson, it's what goes on inside that counts.
Below are a few tips from Olson on how even the most hard-lined Republicans and Democrats can work toward happiness together by making complex matters of the heart just a little more simple.
- Try changing up the way you normally argue about hot button topics or what news channel to watch - new communication skills are the key to better relationships!
- When you begin to communicate in a positive, workable way, your relationship with your lover, kids, and friends will begin move in a positive direction and become more pleasant.
- Having your point of view understood and then validated creates a truce between the sexes and builds the three C's of love: Chemistry, Compatibility and Commitment.
Olson offers three simple steps to ensure that:
a) you can talk,
b) your partner will listen, and
c) your partner is actively listening to what you have said so that both of you can discuss it.
Mirror - Reflect back exactly what you heard - just like a tape recorder. Do not add any of your own interpretation or spin. When you have repeated your partner's words, ask if you got them right. Remember the speaker talks in thought chunks. Example: She says: "I feel misunderstood." You say (mirroring) "So you feel misunderstood?"
Validate - Use expressions such as "That makes sense" or "I can see that". Remember that you are validating your partner's point of view as reasonable. It is his point of view, not yours. Keep in mind that you do not have to agree or share a point of view to validate it. If you find that you're unable validate your partners point of view this means ether you are mistaking validation for agreement or you need to get more information from your partner. Example: "It makes sense that you feel misunderstood when I do not listen to you."
Empathize - Start your response with "I imagine that you are feeling ..." try to find one word only to complete the sentence. Example: "I imagine you are feeling hurt...anxious...unappreciated, etc." Your partner will be able to tell you if you have understood his message or not, and if not, what you may have missed. This is a process that always works but practicing it is key.
Olson, a trusted expert in conflict management, has successfully counseled men and women in troubled relationships. She has offered advice to hundreds of couples as a practicing psychologist and dating relationship therapist, specializing in romantic attraction and love. Her methods, which are based on her signature theory the "Three C's of Love" can help even the most polarized couple turn political banter into love that lasts.
Learn more about Olson's clinical web-based love and dating program, at http://americaslovedoctor.com/
Claire Yezbak Fadden is the Associate Editor of LifeAfter50.com.
